Know Someone with Dementia? | Become their memory, Tell them their stories
Dementia is a condition that wipes away precious memories slowly, often leaving people with confusion and anxiety.
It can be sad to watch someone you love struggle to recall familiar faces, places, and moments that once lit up their lives. In these challenging moments for our loved ones, we can take an important role: The role of becoming their memory by telling them their stories.
Cherishing their memories that remind them who they are and what they achieved in life can preserve their identity and comfort them. The storytelling can provide them a feeling of connection, familiarity, and reassurance that they are indeed not alone in this journey.
Understanding Dementia
Dementia is not a single disease but rather a generic term describing a set of progressive cognitive impairments. From Alzheimer’s disease and vascular dementia to Lewy body dementia and frontotemporal dementia to even rarer types as well. These different conditions gradually affect memory, reasoning, and communication skills and alter many aspects of life and personal relationships.
As the disease advances, the ability to remember recent events, recognize loved ones, and even carry out simple tasks becomes challenging.
Despite these setbacks, people with dementia sometimes retain their emotional memories longer than the factual ones. This means while they may forget a particular incident, the emotions related to that incident often remain buried inside their brains and consciousness.
This is a very important insight for caregivers and family members to know because this provides one window into how we will be able to assist our loved ones properly.
The Power of Storytelling
Storytelling has been an integral part of human culture for ages. Stories connect us to our past, help us make sense of the present, and guide us into the future. To people with dementia, stories serve an even greater purpose: a lifeline to their fading memories and a bridge to those they love.
Why Tell Their Stories?
Preserving Identity:
Dementia is a disease which can lead to progressive destruction in a person’s identity. The memories that once described a person’s identity, such as who they are, where they have been, and what they have done all their life, often start to fade away. This kind of destruction of one’s identity may be very disturbing for both the person suffering from dementia and their loved ones.
Storytelling preserves their identity and memories. We remind them of who they are, and we remind ourselves as well. By recalling their accomplishments, celebrating the milestones, and remembering the relationships that shaped them. Memories help them stay connected to who they are, even if they cannot remember the details.
It is just like holding up a mirror to their past, reflecting the core essence of their character and life experience. And making sure that their real self remains vibrant even as the disease progresses.
Emotional Connection
Dementia might fog the brain, but it often leaves emotions relatively intact longer. While a person with dementia might forget specific details about a story. Such as who was in it and what happened, their memories of strong emotions associated with the event are often retained. When we share stories from their past, we evoke emotions.
Sharing stories about joyful times, humorous happenings, or an accomplishment to be proud of may trigger emotions about joy, love, and pride. These emotions provide comfort and familiarity, a soothing balm against the confusion and fear that can accompany many individuals with dementia. Where words and logic may not succeed, the emotional connections from storytelling can reach to their inner core.
Reducing Anxiety and Agitation
People living with dementia can feel a constant sense of confusion. As the disease progresses, confusion in understanding the environment leads to anxious and agitated feelings.
This can be very frustrating for both the person and his caregivers. Well-known stories become a lifeline during these times of confusion. When you tell a story that the person once knew well, it creates a sense of familiarity.
It can act as a landmark in a landscape that is becoming extremely hard to navigate. Such stories could help them; it might ease their fear and make them feel more safe and secure.
Stronger Relationships:
Dementia often affects relationships. As the person with the condition is unable to communicate and relate well to their loved ones and surroundings. Storytelling, however, may serve as that one thread that will link the person to their caregivers or family.
Telling them stories of the past can spark a sense of connection to their previous life. These shared memories will bloom into moments of recognition, laughter, or even tears, bringing the caretakers or family members closer to the person affected.
By showing interest in the story of their life, you celebrate what they have lived through and make them feel valued and appreciated. This brings you closer to each other, evoking feelings of empathy, understanding, and shared history.
How to Be Their Memory
Creating Memories:
The major task involved in becoming a memory for someone is to gather as many stories, facts, and details about their life as possible. Speak with other family members, friends, and anyone who knows them well.
Gather anecdotes, sayings, and information about their hobbies, interests, and passions. Look through old photo albums, watch videos of the home, and handle keepsakes that might trigger memories.
Even small things, like how they took their coffee or what song they loved, are important. These become the building blocks of stories you will tell them about their lives.
Memory Book:
A memory book is probably one of the best ways to compile the stories, photos, and mementos you have collected into something tangible and accessible. This book may be as basic or as fancy as you want it to be.
A scrapbook full of pictures and handwritten notes, or a professionally printed book with typed stories and captions. The memory book provides that tangible link with the past your loved one can hold in their hands and turn through page after page.
It’s a tool that will help them interact with the narrative of their life in a very real and meaningful manner. This can be comforting to them and provide a sense of continuity, even if they cannot fully remember what is represented.
Routine Storytelling:
It is recommended to sit with your loved one and tell them their stories regularly. This may be done daily or weekly, whichever works for both parties. In these sessions, let the stories be simple and focused on the emotions and the important events that took place rather than the minute details.
You don’t have to tell a whole story in one session; sometimes, even a very short anecdote can prompt a memory or create some feeling of connection. Remember, the goal of these sessions is not perfect recall but creating a space where they are safe, loved, and connected with their past.
Use Sensory Cues:
People with dementia also tend to respond very well to sensory triggers. Smells, sounds, and textures can revive memories and feelings in them even when words fail.
You can take advantage of this and build your storytelling around these sensory cues. Play the music they loved when younger; cook a favorite dish they used to enjoy; use scents like lavender, roses, or fresh-baked bread.
These sensory experiences can transport them to a time and place that feels familiar and comforting, enhancing the emotional impact of the stories you’re telling.
Be Patient and Positive:
Telling stories to someone with dementia requires empathy, patience, and positivity. There may be times when they don’t remember the story or become confused. If this happens, it’s important to remain calm and reassuring.
The goal isn’t recalling the details of the memory; in fact, it’s all about the feeling of comfort and connection. When the person gets confused, turn the conversation easily back to something they can relate to. Celebrate those moments when they actually remember anything or acknowledge familiarity.
Your encouragement and patience will create an environment that is non-threatening and nourishing and will be meaningful to both people with dementia and family members.
The Impact of Your Role
By telling them their stories, you are not only allowing them to get through these tough waters of dementia. But you are also ensuring their life story doesn’t fade out. Every story you tell, every memory you help them hold onto, is one little victory.
It is a powerful way to connect them to their past lives. By telling them their stories, you are creating a sense of continuity and connection to their past and the present, reminding them that they remain loved and cherished.
Dementia can take so much away, but not the love, the care, and the memories you bring into their life by being their storyteller. By choosing to be their memory, you are not only doing justice to their life but making sure their stories continue to be narrated, loved, and remembered.
Conclusion: A Last Thought
Be the memory for your loved one and remind them of their stories; this may bring comfort, connection, and dignity to a very uncertain time. Remember: It is not about making them remember; it is about the sharing of love, understanding, and compassion through the stories of their lives. Sharing stories also strengthens the bond of the person with his caregivers or family members.
It nurtures empathy, enriches insight, and reminds all the life the individual has fully lived. Storytelling lets their spirit continue to live by providing them with a sense of fulfillment, letting them know they are not alone in their struggle. By becoming their memory, we make sure that the beauty of their life story will be preserved and cherished, no matter how much dementia tries to take away.
